Therapy Central NY

What if my partner is not ready to go to Couples Counseling

It can be extremely discouraging when you are motivated to work on your relationship, however, your partner does not share your enthusiasm about taking the next step. Although it is essential to explore what your partner’s barriers or concerns are about seeking help, it may be important for you to take the initiative. You can change your relationship without your partner!

Why should seek help now?

The quality of our intimate relationship is one of the most important factors that contribute to our sense of happiness in life. If we have a healthy and stable intimate relationship, we can face the world and each problem as “Us” against the world instead of the problem being “me vs you”. At the same time, an unhealthy relationship can negatively influence our health, work, career, finances, the way we parent, other relationships, and many other important areas in our life. So, if you believe that couples counseling or marriage counseling will be beneficial to you, however, your partner is not ready to join you, you can start therapy by yourself. You can turn the tides in your relationship, even though you are starting this journey by yourself. Your efforts alone, supported by a therapist can make all the difference for you, your spouse, and your family.

But how do I actually do this?

During Individual Therapy we can focus on your relationship and discuss topics you would normally talk about in Couples Therapy.  You will have the opportunity to talk through and explore the difficulties you are facing in your relationship. I will help you identify the cycle of your relationship you may be stuck in, unhealthy coping skills, losing strategies you may be using, and current stressors. I will help you process unmet expectations, empower you to stand up for yourself in a loving way, use healthy and effective communication skills, work through resentment, and move on from hurts and anger.

I will encourage you to work on yourself to become a better partner or a spouse, and to change the way you see yourself in your relationship with your partner. In our work together, I will show you how to create a shift by changing how you respond and participate in the current relationship cycle. You may also expect to reflect on how you react to triggers and what maladaptive coping skills you use. We will explore how your emotional reactions, often learned in childhood, impact and play out in the current relational dynamic. By gaining insight into how you contribute to the current relationship cycle, you may choose to adjust your style of relating. The good news is that you have total control over 50 % of your relationship already. If you have been breaking connections by yelling, avoiding, defending, attacking, blaming, projecting, or denying. You can rebuild connection by creating a powerful change once you become aware of and understand your triggers and emotional responses. If you are willing to do that, if you are willing to heal, you will be able to create a relationship you always wanted. 

Individual Therapy is a space for deep personal growth and reconnection first to yourself, your needs and feelings, and also to your partner. When you shift the dynamic by your self-growth and healing, you will influence your partner’s behavior and the way you relate to one another. Once you transform the way you are relating in your marriage or relationship, your partner begins to change too. Your partner will have no choice but to respond to the new way you are showing up in the relationship with wisdom, skills, and growth behind you. Your partner will no longer need to hide, shut down, attack or defend. The feeling of safety and connection will be restored.  As your therapist, I can support you in learning how to create your new reality, how to set up healthy boundaries, how to take care of yourself, and as a result create w lifetime of love instead of a lifetime of pain. Now you have a choice.

If your partner or spouse is not ready to come to therapy, I can still help you!

“What counts in making a happy

(couple) is not so much how

compatible you are, but how you

deal with incompatibility.”

– George Levinger

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